Relationship Building

Establish and maintain a healthy and productive relationship

Key tools:

  1. Send messages of non-judgment, empathy, understanding, grace, mercy, forgiveness
  2. Relate with care, concern, respect
  3. Unconditionally relate to everyone as they are valuable and significant regardless of their behavior
  4. Encourage and reward genuine expression and congruent behavior
  5. Send messages of affirmation, approval, acceptance, and connection
  6. Be consistent, honest, activated, focused and present
  7. Show interest and be inquisitive
  8. Have hope, faith, and belief in their ability and willingness to improve and send those messages directly and indirectly
  9. Lead by providing opportunity for need fulfillment, not management of behavior
  10. Connect through discussion, play, interaction, and through their interests to build the relationship

Set and preserve healthy boundaries

Key tools:

  1. Delineate a clear boundary between our identities and the identities of others
  2. Accept ownership and responsibility for our weaknesses & imperfections - no blaming, complaining, excuses or gossip
  3. Set fair, reasonable, and productive limits within the relationship
  4. Provide clear expectations of the standards of behavior
  5. Send messages of security, guidance, safety, support, discipline, protection
  6. Help establish a clear and direct relationship between cause and effect
  7. Emphasize the importance of practicing self-control
  8. Influence and guide to critically think, choose and behave more productively
  9. Maintain a relationship absent of projection and displacement
  10. Establish and maintain appropriate and productive communication

Teach by role modeling


  1. Provide a clear vision of what to do and how to be, how to navigate challenges, how to relate to others
  2. Gives an unobtrusive opportunity to learn
  3. Identify a view of the benefits of productive behavior and negative consequences of unproductive behavior
  4. Allows for the ability to discreetly compare and contrast their own behavior
  5. Gives a vision of hope that personal development is possible and attainable
  6. Reduces and eliminates threat or fear of unknown
  7. Displays how to overcome fear
  8. Reinforces concepts that have been taught through previous education and experience
  9. Removes subjectivity or preconceptions
  10. Allows for learning the nuanced, non-verbal components of the effective mindset

Teach directly


  1. Allows for a customized and focused effort on specific targeted topics
  2. Provides a clear distinction between productive and unproductive
  3. Overt message challenging recipients to accept ownership and responsibility
  4. Emphasizes value of learning a skill and allows for development of confidence, competence to use it
  5. Allows for delineation of the step by step process of developing, practicing, refining and mastering a skill
  6. Provides an opportunity to delve into the core factors contributing to problematic behaviors
  7. Helps gain a deeper understanding of the underlying factors influencing unproductive and productive behavior
  8. Provides an opportunity for direct feedback and the development of productive solutions
  9. Provides a forum to adjust inaccurate and unproductive beliefs, and to overcome fears
  10. Educates on how to be more independent through learning the skill of fulfilling needs on their own

Teach through storytelling


  1. Provides a vision of hope, faith that change is possible
  2. Gives a vision of what to do and how someone else managed challenging situations
  3. Sends messages of normalcy, empathy and belonging, that others have struggled with similar problems or challenges
  4. Allows for reference points, something that is already similar to previous experiences or learning
  5. Sometimes can be a more interesting way to learn than direct teaching
  6. A manner to bring levity to teaching
  7. May be a simpler and easier style of learning
  8. Allows for a learning environment to generate personal interpretation, a view at behaviors without being direct
  9. Reduces the potential for discomfort, allowing for a greater sense of control and power 
  10. Helps to understand others via association, comparison, or resemblance

Practicing skills


  1. Provides an opportunity to learn, put theory into action
  2. Allows an opportunity for evaluation, feedback and teaching in a clear, direct, open and honest manner
  3. Gives an opportunity for displaying the skills in a "live" experience
  4. Feedback aids in the process of understanding aspects of the skill that need refinement and more practice 
  5. The "in the moment" identification of areas of weakness, areas of strength, and where to focus effort
  6. Challenges the involvement and activation of the recipient
  7. Provides a supportive setting in which perceived failure is simply deemed an opportunity to learn
  8. Provides the opportunity to develop their own beliefs and not adopt belief from another source
  9. Opportunity to learn cause and effect in a structured and encouraging setting
  10. Helps reduce the significance of one act, and provides more freedom about the concept of choice


Key areas:

  1. Assess an individual's current level of understanding and proficiency of the 5 skills
  2. Willingness to activate with the goal of improvement
  3. The mindset involved in generating behaviors
  4. What beliefs and fears are contributing to their behaviors
  5. The motives and tactics utilized within their behaviors
  6. Internal and external barriers to improvement and productivity
  7. How problematic situations arise due to weaknesses, limitations and imperfections
  8. What needs are deemed most valuable and the desire levels influencing their pursuit
  9. Effectiveness of the training process
  10. Provide feedback and ask questions to force critical thinking and customize the training to the needs of the recipient